A familiar quote says that God created us with two ears and one mouth for a reason – so we would listen two times more than we speak. The previous post mentioned how important it was to listen to other family members, and counsel with experts when needed by asking for second opinions and or seeking family counseling with social workers or clergy. I have found this is sound advice in every situation. When a friend or family member needs to talk, resist the urge to give advice right away and just listen. Ask questions, and really try to understand the answer.
We especially need to actively listen to our children. Listen to their joys, their pain, their sorrow, their plans. Make time to show interest. Be available and approachable so they will want to come to you. It is exciting to see how many ideas a young growing mind has, and watch it flourish. By listening instead of dictating we encourage the child’s communication skills and allow a child to spread their own wings and gain experience. By listening, instead of saying not now, I’m busy, we can catch problems early before they wreck lives. By listening, we understand and show love.
As a nurse I found that listening to my patient helped tremendously. By finding out what their concern was, I could teach to fill their needs, let the doctor know something vital the patient forgot to say when he was there, or an important missing piece of information a family member provided. Also actively listening to what led up to the current situation, and surrounding it helps. I can’t live in the patient’s, the parent’s or family’s shoes. There is no way that a diagnosis manifests the same from one situation to the next, or that any one family learns exactly like another, or that any person reacts the same as another, or even sometimes the same person reacts the same way from one time to the next.
Listen with your ears, using your mind, heart and soul. Respect the person who is trying to convey their to you.No matter what their background, culture, education, age, ethnicity, religion, spiritual base, or other difference is from you, every being deserves respect. Don’t look at what they are wearing and pre-judge what the answer should be without listening to the complete story, circumstance. It may take more than one session, one hour, or the fleeting moment you planned on. But the reward will be worth it.
If there is a sound problem such as deafness, or a speech impediment, or other communicative disability of any kind do your best to overcome the obstacles by searching for a specific solution. Perhaps listening will require a different mode of communication such as the written word, or using devices like mechanical voices, hearing aides, computer aided speech. With today’s technology there are many new tools to use. Some other methods may be of assistance. Music is a way of sharing a universal message through emotions. Art conveys thoughts with images instead of words. When your comprehension of the other persons needs and desires is not complete try using one of these alternative forms of communication.
Question: If a parent disagrees with the doctor about administering chemotherapy to their child, what is the best course of action for the parent to pursue for the safety and health of the child and to maintain the integrity of the family?
The medical practitioner should provide an expected outcome and prognosis with planned treatment course. For instance if the expected outcome is less than a month it is a reasonable presumption to defer to the family for the decision on whether or not to proceed with the outlined plan of care. Only when there is a good reason such as psychosis, or behavior that a majority of persons would recognize as unacceptable should action be taken to remove custody of the child from the family and or sever legal ties to the parent/s.
In review: If you have questions regarding rights to make medical decisions and what the best course of action would be for yourself or your loved one seek help from family members, a social worker, clergy, or a family counselor. If issues remain unresolved seek a second medical opinion, ask to change doctors or hospitals that may be more open to the approach for care that you prefer to use. You can ask for a review from the Bioethics committee. When these measures do not result in a satisfactory outcome seek advice from an attorney who specializes in healthcare and or bioethics in the area where you live as laws differ from state to state.
